A lot of you have been wondering where to travel for your vacations this year; so have I. Where can we go that some crazy Arab isn’t going to blow up with a suicide truck filled with explosives.
Do you think Venice and Paris are safe?. Would you dare to spend a day at the beach lolling at Club Med when you think of who is out there in the jungle with a jeep filled with dynamite?
Do you want to take a trip to Washington or New York? Hey, that’s where the crazies come after you with
...
Many of you emigrants here want to know what it means to be an American. You’ve studied our texts, memorized some of our manuals; you know that America is about freedom and opportunity.When you fight for us as probably all of you will one day if we can ever find an enemy these days worthy of us, you’re not going to risk your life for either a king or a priest; you’ll be defending your right to do whatever you please from making a million dollars to committing suicide, maybe both simultaneously if you want to.
I know you’ve
...
Thanks for inviting me here as marketing genius of the year. I’m honored to be accept your applause, then go home with this award, which I must say looks a little chintzy.
I’m here not because I enjoy knowing I’m better than you at selling; it’s a snake oil art of at best, folks, a skein of tricks of a carnival barker that begins and end in the eyes of God at the back of a truck. I’ve been a little or a lot different of course. Some say I’ve made a quantum amble into the unknown like an
...
It’s a pleasure to receive this plastic and gold award here as businessman of the year. I don’t know how to make a speech to people like you, all of whom I suppose would probably like to be me or something like me; since I don’t like competition I’m glad I’ve found an easy way to be anonymous. I use to feel the same way too until I started to think to myself about the virtues of dropping dead.
Most people think the easiest thing in the world they could do is to drop dead. It solves their problems;
...
Look, I know all of you are upset because you all got the dark yellow cards; you were turned down for Disability. I’m not here to make you feel better or console you about having to live without beating the government for a little ice cream money; you have lousy lovers and even worse friends to console you when you get knocked off a money machine. You have all too effective certified enemies to tell you the truth about yourself.
I’m one more midnight horseman riding the juggernaut myself; I have to admit I’m here on salary. You may
...